Not all opinions/sentiments held by the created man brand may be held by guest contributors. Not all opinions/sentiments held by guest contributors may be held by the created man brand. Guest contributors add a unique tile to the mosaic nature of our ideas–not simply reaffirm our own held beliefs.
Guest Contributor: Jacob Ginn
Posed question by created man:
How was/has your masculinity/manhood/sense of male identity been created and affirmed by your earthly father from childhood to present?
The word ‘father’ has many different definitions. The Oxford Dictionary Third Edition defines it as “a man in relation to his child or children.” It goes on to state; “a man who gives care and protection to someone or something.” It is never defined by passivity or abandonment. When sharing about my relationship with my father, I often tell others that if he and I were the same age, we would be best friends. I am confident in the man I am today because of the love of 1) Jesus Christ, my Heavenly Father, and 2) the love of my earthly father. In order to answer the above question, I must explain and tell the story of the extraordinarily positive impact my earthly father has had on me because of his willingness to submit to his Heavenly father.
Friendship and Leadership
“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:10
“Whose buddy are you?”
It seemed like my dad would ask me this question almost every day growing up. I always responded with the same answer; “Daddy’s buddy!” It was so vital for me to know that I had a friend in my dad. I had a friend that would play legos with me. I had a friend that introduced me to Star Wars. I had a friend that taught me the game of basketball. I had a friend that corrected me when I was wrong and encouraged me when I was headed in the right direction, and I had a friend that I knew loved me dearly. I had full confidence that I could be whoever the Lord called me to be and my dad would support me with words and prayer.
Deep friendship is acquired through vulnerability and time spent together. I know my father because I spend time with him. I have allowed my dad into aspects of my life not many are granted access to. With this access, he knows how to best love me, encourage me, and pray for me. The process of becoming known and loved by this man, my father, is the same with God, our heavenly father.
“But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.” 1 Corinthians 8:3
Along with my father’s friendship, I was given his amazing example of leadership. My father is one of the best leaders I know, and I try to model my leadership after his. He leads as Christ led; by serving others. He is a man that takes initiative and sets a good example. My dad has been a basketball coach for nearly my entire life. Seeing him lead teams in humility and service showed me exactly how to gain the respect of others and lead them well. There is a balance that must exist between friendship and leadership.
Trust and Obedience
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Submitting to something/someone is hard. Giving up your own wants and desires for the good of someone else…well that just doesn’t seem natural most days. I’m sure you have heard it said that when you get older, you start to appreciate and understand some of the decisions your parents made for you as a child. For example, maybe your mom did not want you to drive a sports car when you were sixteen, or your dad said “no” to letting you go on that summer trip with your buddies last summer. In hindsight, you probably would have racked up a good amount of speeding tickets. Your buddies ended up getting wasted and regretting ever going anyway…
My dad taught me that a huge way to build your character (which then translates directly into your identity formation) is through trust and obedience. As a man, I tend to trust in my own abilities before I allow others to lend a hand; I truly believe this attitude of independence is a lie from the Devil himself.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
When we continually choose to work alone and only trust ourselves, we create a false sense of power that leads to pride, quarrels, and loneliness. I saw this ability to allow others in and trust them in my dad while growing up, and I still see it in him today. Learning and then knowing I can trust my dad has also made it very easy to be obedient to him.
In my walk with Christ, immediate obedience to Him is perhaps what allows me to grow closest to Him. Obeying the Lord and allowing Him to lead you through the fires of life will absolutely build your trust in Him and shape your own identity in the Lord. Allow the Lord to break down the walls of insecurity by being obedient to Him. Submission to the Lord is the doorway to spiritual freedom.
Love and Challenges
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14
Love is undoubtedly the most important aspect of any relationship. Without Christ’s love for us, we would all spend eternity in Hell. So yeah, love is a pretty big deal. Something I find disheartening within our culture of men, is that saying: “I love you” to one another is hard for some of us to do. It is imperative that we, not only as men but as human beings, know we are loved by someone. Christ’s love for His children is the basis of our identity in him.
“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.” 1 John 3:1
I know my dad loves me because he spends time with me and because he tells me so. I also know because of the spiritual action he takes. When my siblings and I were growing up, our parents would pray over us one at a time before going to bed each night. Being affirmed through prayer was a powerful thing. Those prayers from my parents have stuck with me through the twenty years I have been on this earth, and they will be something I implement into my own household one day.
This might sound strange, but I think one thing that ties in closely to being loved is being challenged. Like I said before, my dad has been a basketball coach for longer than I have been alive. I have had the privilege of playing for him through the means of AAU basketball when I was a sophomore and again when I was a junior and senior in high school. I knew my dad loved me because he wanted me to be the best that I could be. He challenged me day after day to get shots up after school, to work on extra ball-handling, to discipline my eating habits, etc… It was not acceptable to give up or give any effort that was not 100%.
Two verses used by my father throughout his coaching career have been: “All hard work brings a profit, mere words lead only to poverty.” Proverbs 14:23, and “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23. Being challenged in love is fun. I am thankful my dad believed in me and pushed me further every day. Whether you are a phenomenal athlete, artist, poet, singer, dancer, or whatever else, find someone that challenges you to be the best you can be and be iron for one another.
Support and Discipline
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” Proverbs 46:1-3
The earth gives way and the mountains quake, but we find our refuge in the Lord. He supports us. There is seldom a better feeling than when you have a group of people supporting you. For me, this typically came through fans at basketball games. My biggest fan of all, you guessed it, was my dad. Not only on the court, but in every area of my life! Oftentimes, we as men lose our sense of security and identity because we feel as though there is no one supporting us, cheering from the sidelines. I want each of you to know that I have felt this tremendously.
We all go through dark times of life. We all walk through valleys. There was a time in my life when I did not see the light at the end of the tunnel; when I lost that sense of security. I know the feeling of loneliness. I know what it’s like to feel like no one understands. I vividly remember walking down the side of that road at 1:00 a.m–willing myself jump into oncoming traffic. I was convinced ending it would be better than feeling the insecurity and pain pressing in from all sides. I also vividly remember hiding in the bushes because I saw my father’s car coming up the street. He was looking for me.
Through all these times and feelings, though my dad may not have been able to relate directly to my situation, he freely gave me all the love and support that I needed. This was solely through his reliance on his Heavenly father.
Along with support comes sculpting. I cannot even begin to put a number on how many ‘disciplinary encounters’ I had when I was growing up. And believe me, I probably deserved a lot more than I got. Discipline is a crucial part to developing your identity as a man.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Without discipline, a child has no direction. I want to give a few statistics of what a child growing up in a fatherless home is likely to fall into. These I’ve collected throughout the internet–feel free to double check them.
- four times greater risk of poverty
- seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen
- more likely to have behavioral issues
- more like to face abuse and neglect
- two times greater risk of infant mortality
- more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
- more likely to go to prison
- two times more likely to suffer obesity
- more likely to commit a crime
- two times more likely to drop out of high school.
Discipline fosters growth. I am so thankful for the discipline and direction my parents have kept on me. I have a firm understanding of who I am in Christ because of the way my earthly father has sculpted me in love.
My male identity is deeply rooted within the Lord Jesus Christ because of my father’s submission to his Heavenly father. I pray this article speaks to you and points you to the perfect love of God our Father. Seek truth.
Below I have included the questions I asked my dad with his responses as I prepared to write this article.
Me: How did you go about affirming me in my masculinity? From a biblical and earthly standpoint
Dad: The biggest way I knew to affirm you in your masculinity was through time spent together. I didn’t (and still don’t) have all the answers, but I did come to realize as you and Caleb [Jacob’s brother] got to be 2-3 years old that my physical presence and my attention to you was very important. I have heard it said that children spell “love” T-I-M-E. This is so true. This is why I started taking you two to ball camps while you were still in diapers.
From a Biblical standpoint, I believe time matters still because we are told, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8. The way you draw near to God or anyone else is the same: time. To get near (close, intimate) to someone you must get to know them, and you can’t do this if you don’t spend quality time with them. I know unbelieving men who have great relationships with their sons because they practice this Biblical principle without even knowing it. It’s important to note that what your son sees you do and hears you say in those moments are vital. Maybe more important is what they hear you say and see you do when you are not with them. What you model is vital! I wish I could say I was always a good model, but I have failed many, many times. I always wanted you guys to see me treat your mom like a queen (like Christ loves the Church), but I know I failed there over and over. In short, young boys and young men need to spend quality time in play and serious talks with their father, and they need to see integrity in him as he lives out his life.
Me: Were there times where you doubted your effectiveness?
Dad: At least once a day. It may come from being disappointed in a decision or action by your son, but it always makes you think somewhere you didn’t do your job. It may come when all is well, but you still feel so inadequate at times. This is why we, as believers, must depend on the Holy Spirit to guide us, and take comfort in the words of 2 Corinthians 12:9 where He tells us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
Me: What do you see as most important that I know in order for me to be a man of God?
Dad: That you cannot save yourself or anyone else. Christ died for you and offers you life eternal and abundant. That you are not in this alone. There will come times where you must say difficult things or take a stand that seems lonely, but the God of peace will “never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5.”
Me: What identity struggles did you face while growing up and how did you use those to teach me?
Dad: As a boy, and even into adulthood, I always felt I couldn’t win–that I was somehow going to screw up and mess up while the whole world looked on. Those same demons try to trick me even as an older adult. But I have seen God’s faithfulness to fight my battles for me over and over. This is something I have tried to model (again not always with success) for you guys. Courage is not the absence of fear, but trusting God enough to act rightly even when you are afraid. Whether it’s going to Baghdad or Communist China, or having a hard conversation with one of you, I want you to see God can be the difference.
Me: How has your Heavenly father taught you to father me?
Dad: My Heavenly Father corrects me when I am wrong, yet has been so merciful and forgiving. I try to keep that balance. Certainly, a young boy needs discipline (and sometimes a good whooping!) but they need compassion and mercy just as much. You must have both.
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written by Jacob Ginn
One reply on “Being Fathered by God and Man”
That was smart, and Mr Ginn is the best dad of all times , God bless y’all